need you like water in my lungs

Fri, 30 Jul 2004 02:53:13 GMT

addme

Thu, 29 Jul 2004 02:41:00 GMT

Post anything that you want and
post it anonymously.
A story, a secret, a confession, a fear, a love.. anything. Even how you feel about me, be brutaly honest... you can tell me how much you hate and/or love me or whatever.
It can be about ANYTHING
Make sure to post anonymously and honestly
Post as many times as you'd like,
Then put this in your LJ to see what others think.

Thu, 29 Jul 2004 00:35:54 GMT

USING TITLES OF ONE BANDS SONGS: BRAND NEW BECAUSE I CHALLENGE MYSELF.

Are you male or female: Secondary

Describe yourself: Failure By Design

How do some people feel about you: Sudden Death in Carolina

How do you feel about yourself: Mix Tape

Describe your ex girlfriend/boyfriend: Play Crack the Sky

Describe your current girlfriend/boyfriend: The quiet things that no one ever knows

Describe where you want to be: Jude law and a semester abroad

Describe what you want to be: I will play my game beneath the spin light

Describe how you live: Am I wrong?

Describe how you love: No Seatbelt song

Share a few words of wisdom: Good to know that if i ever need attention all i have to do is die

Wed, 28 Jul 2004 14:56:06 GMT

Well, last night I ate a TON. Because I'm fat and have no will power.

But I saw Harry Potter 3. We're going out with Gretchen Becky and Art friday cause theyre here from Cali. until saturday..
yep.
I'm fat/lazy/stupid and I really hate myself.

Here is the plan- I'm going to go on "SUPER-MEGA DIET" and no one can sway me from my decision. Thank you and goodnight. Or rather, good day.

Tue, 27 Jul 2004 21:19:16 GMT

Well, I've been running again, and I lost 5lbs since I left for maryland.. yep.

Nothing's happened since I last updated, except I cleaned out my desk in my room, and thats SO EXCITING I JUST CANT WAIT TO WRITE ABOUT IT IN EXPLICIT DETAIL.

Ok. The End.
Except tonight I'm going out (more like dragged) with family to see a movie. Should be.. uh.. fun? Or not.

Mon, 26 Jul 2004 18:54:32 GMT

My birthday is AUGUST 8TH.
So KRISTINA WILL SING ME THE SONG.

I LOVE KRISTINA.

Sun, 25 Jul 2004 04:39:39 GMT

I've been thinking about things a lot lately, and I've come to the conclusion that I suck. Thouroghly and completely.

Of course, Ocean City was amazing. As was stated several times in the past entry, and I know I said I would write more about it. So I shall.

Basically, I was on the beach Saturday-Tuesday all day. I got very freckled, which is unusual. Mandy came Sunday Night until Tuesday Afternoon. Monday we went to Assateague Island and saw wild ponies as we kayaked around the island. It was wonderful. Especially the beach there, the water was so clear, and the waves were so huge, but in a good way, that I stayed in the water for at least a couple hours straight. Mandy and I dove for shells, and Darren found a Conch.

Wednesday the competition started, I watched for a while, and then went parasailing. I went up and looked down at the water, and to my amazement, there was a shark right beneath me. And basically, I'm not sure what you would call it, but massive groups of skates, which are related to sting rays. It was great, and when I was back on the boat dolphins came right up to us. At night there was a birthday party for a ton of people, so I hung out with them, Lauren and I caught some rays at 10 at night, and Cait and I sat in the elevator and had secret time. The next day we went sailing and once again, amazing.

So, friday, big dance day. Results were great, as expected.
Totally Addicted to Bass- High Gold
Hey Pachuko- Platinum, 1st in Catagory, 3rd Teen Lg. Group
Tappin on the Keys- Platinum, 1st Junior Production, Dance Off, Special Award, 2nd Junior Overall
You Me and a Bottle Makes Three- Platinum, 2nd Teen Line
Tiger Woods-High Gold, Costume Award
Ain't Misbehavin'- Platinum, 1st Teen Line, Dance Off, 3rd Teen Overall
STOP THE ROCK- Platinum, 1st Teen Production, Special Award, Dance Off, 1st Teen Overall, APOGEE AWARD (Standing Ovation... Again.)

That was the LAST time to do stop the rock. Mixed feelings about that. So, we totally dominated the competition by winning every catagory except Mini in which we placed 3rd, 4th and 5th in. Go Eleanor's.

Anyways, back to my suckiness, LEAVE CHEERFUL COMMENTS TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER.

Sun, 25 Jul 2004 03:58:12 GMT

wow, I missed everyone so much, and ocean city was amazing amazing amazing.

just plain amazing.
more later, i'm exhausted now

www.americanartisticawards.com

Sun, 25 Jul 2004 03:57:04 GMT

bold what you used/did/watched/etc

Fresh Prince of Bel-Air
Fraggle Rock
G.I. Joe
Are You Afraid of the Dark?
Secret World of Alex Mac
Nightmare Before Christmas
Welcome Freshman
Space Cases
Roundhouse
The Muppet Show
Muppet Babies
Eureka's Castle
Salute Your Shorts
Hey Dude
Legends of the Hidden Temple
You Can't Do That On Television
G.U.T.S.
What Would You Do?
Double Dare
Rocko's Modern Life
All That
Ren and Stimpy
Clarissa Explains It All
The Torklesons
Pete and Pete
Stick Stickley
Goodburger
Angry Beavers
Sponge Bob
Hey Arnold!
AAH! Real Monsters
Loony Toons
Animaniacs
Pinky and the Brain
The Babysitter's Club
Underdog
Kablam!
Gullah Gullah Island
Richard Scarry
Dumbo's Circus
Ocean Girl
Mystery Files of Shelby Woo
Snick Snacks
Dunkaroos
SNICK
Koala Yummies
Where in the world is carmen sandeigo?
Nick Magazine
The Goonies
Ernest Movies
Radio Flyer
Disney Watchers
Adventures in Wonderland
Homeward Bound
The Adventures of Yellow Dog
Milo and Otis
Neverending Story
Who Framed Roger Rabbit?
The Lion King
Labyrinth
101 Dalmations
The Secret Garden
Pete's Dragon
Hocus Pocus
Secret of Roan Inish
Land Before Time
Dinosaurs
Fern Gully (love this so much)
Secret of NIMH
Gummi Bears
Care Bears
A Little Princess
My Little Pony (even better than fern gully)
Black Beauty
Rainbow Brite
Lady Lovely Locks
Candyland
Sorry!
Trouble
Don't Wake Daddy (play this at laurens still)
Mousetrap
Jenga
dont't Break the Ice (summer camp)
hungry Hungry Hippos
cooties
Tinker Toys
The castles that made tea sets
Sky Dancers
Polly Pocket (now they have big ones gir)
Hypercolor T-Shirts
Lite Brite
Scrunchies
Side Ponytails
Stirrup Pants
Jellies
Saddle Shoes
Barbies
Beanie Babies
Tamagotchies
Yo-Yos
duncans
Choose Your Own Adventure
Pogs
Goosebumps
Magic Attic Club
American Girl
Island of the Blue Dolphins
Saved by the Bell
Full House
Step By Step
TGIF on ABC
Sabrina, the Teenage Witch
Boy meets World
Clueless
Mork and Mindy

Fri, 16 Jul 2004 01:25:24 GMT

I slept from 1-12:45 last night, so today seemed very short.
Well, I woke up, had some minni-wheats, and went online, to be bombarded with requests to go to melissas house, so i called and million people, and then showered and jessica's mom picked me up and we went to melissas, to find shawn dressed up as a girl. He came up the stairs, and something we said made him frown and then one of his boobs (really 2 of melissas wrapped up shirts) fell.
So we went downstairs and molested the fuzzy blanket, renamed te bunny "Holly Michael Pelletier" and talked about calling mr. rockmore. Yup, then I Love the 90s came on and I cheered, we played with the furby and talked to some kid that jessica RANDOMLY KNOWS. Ironic, it certainly was. Yup, so shawn left, we layed around then went upstairs and sat on the floor eating those bbq fritos and chewy bars looking at pictures. then my mom picked up me and jess and we left, and i went home and packed for my dads and came here, then went and played tennis for an hour or so, ate, and went to the library<3 weeee I have books now.
But my dad's being an asshole so I'd rather not talk to him.

Thu, 15 Jul 2004 05:53:25 GMT

well, i'm having difficulty sleeping again, I've watched several movies and read for a while, and yet, NO TYLENOL PM WHICH PUTS ME TO SLEEP.

I probably shouldnt be so dependant on tylenol pm, but i am. so deal.

and my face hurts and my teeth hurt and i have to pee but i'm physically exhausted, and dont want to go upstairs, mentally tired too, i'm just unable to sleep. ugh.

i'm going to attempt putting myself to sleep by reading the earth science text book. this method actually works for others with this stupid nonexistant sleeping ability.

Wed, 14 Jul 2004 20:13:22 GMT

Hello hello hello.

well, today was fun and full of teeth things, I picked up Lauren, and she came with me to the dentist, then ortho, and at the dentist Jeff let us listen to our tape that we made a while ago.
then when we went to eat at boston chicken, and lauren will take it from here...

From Lauren: hey well at boston chciken jills mom was .like...."jill i like your shorts" and jill goes "i know you do" while she shook her butt several times. then we go back inside to leabve and this older guy was like..could you do that again?
RAPIST? yes i think so. and eddie is so cute and i <3 him.
bye

Back to Jill:
so, as you can see, I've had a traumatic day with all the creepy middle aged guys (AHH) so yup, be nice to me.

Wed, 14 Jul 2004 03:35:30 GMT

Dear Jessica,
I'm so excited for the book! Ahhh! This is so amazing and I'm so happy now yay! thank you for making me happy and yay weeeeeeeee!!!
love,
Jill

<3
Night

Tue, 13 Jul 2004 13:28:54 GMT

1. Falling in love. (? dont know)
2. Laughing so hard your face hurts.
3. A hot shower.
4. No lines at the supermarket.
5. A special glance.
6. Getting mail.
7. Taking a drive on a pretty road.
8. Hearing your favorite song on the radio.
9. Lying in bed listening to the birds outside.
10. Hot towels fresh out of the dryer.
11. Chocolate milkshake.
12. A bubble bath.
13. Giggling.
14. A good conversation.
15. The beach.
16. Finding a 20 dollar bill in your coat from last winter. (or in someone elses coat.)
17. Laughing at yourself.
18. A huge sale at your favorite store.
19. Midnight phone calls that last for hours. (this might be nice, but I dont talk on the phone. plus who would I talk to anyways?)
20. Running through sprinklers.
21. Laughing for absolutely no reason at all.
22. Having someone tell you that you're beautiful.
23. Laughing at an inside joke.
24. Friends.
25. Accidentally overhearing someone say something nice about you.
26. Waking up and realizing you still have a few hours left to sleep.
27. Your first kiss (either the very first or with a new partner).
28. Making new friends or spending time with old ones.
29. Playing with a new puppy.
30. Having someone play with your hair.
31. Sweet dreams.
32. Hot chocolate.
33. Road trips with friends. (never happened, but it will, it will.)
34. Swinging on swings.
35. Making eye contact with a cute stranger.
36. Making chocolate chip cookies.
37. Having your friends send you home-made cookies.
38. Holding hands with someone you care about.
39. Running into an old friend. (sortof)
40. Watching the expression on someone's face as they open a much desired present from you.
41. Watching the sunrise/sunset.
42. Getting out of bed every morning and being grateful for another beautiful day.
43. Knowing that somebody misses you.
44. Getting a hug from someone you care about deeply.
45. Knowing you've done the right thing, no matter what other people think.
46. Having someone tell you that they love you and mean it.
47. Swimming in the rain.

Mon, 12 Jul 2004 03:20:53 GMT

Last Cigarette:: never
Last Alcoholic Drink:: ehhhh.... about a month ago, read previous entry about my family problems.
Last Car Ride:: home from the vietnamese resturant
Last Kiss:: no comment.
Last Good Cry:: i'm not sure.
Last Library Book checked out:: there was a lot
Last Movie Seen in Theatres:: oh man it was so long ago.
Last Book Read:: waifs and strays by charles de lint
Last Movie Rented:: old school
Last Cuss Word Uttered:: damn
Last Beverage Drank:: flavored sparkling water with no calories.. its pretty good.
Last Food Consumed:: chicken salad on a bagel
Last Phone Call:: jessica yesterday i didnt phone at all today.
Last TV Show Watched:: men in black it was on tbs
Last Time Showered:: this morning at 10ish
Last Shoes Worn:: flip flops
Last CD Played:: brand new my favorite weapon? i think.. i havnt been home.
Last Item Bought:: camp fowler sweatshirt its warm
Last Download:: long time ago.
Last Annoyance:: my eyes hurt
Last Disappointment:: that something better wasnt on tv. lol
Last Soda Drank:: the sparkling water thing, and if that doesnt qualify, diet coke.
Last Thing Written:: hmnn.
Last Key Used:: .
Last Words Spoken:: yeah cool now get lost
Last Sleep:: 11-9:30
Last IM:: alicia from camp
Last Sexual Fantasy:: wooohoooahhh.
Last Weird Encounter:: well, not a weird ENCOUNTER exactly.. but the whole cheryl thing.
Last Ice Cream Eaten:: a twist on a peanut brittle and chocolate coated cone. it was amazing and i spilled it all over.
Last Time Amused:: eating. hah i'm a pig.
Last Time Wanting To Die:: never
Last Time In Love:: never.
Last Time Hugged:: my orthodontist, (mothers a dentist and hes a friend of the family so its not weird) and i als0o hugged jess and kris last night and my mom and we had a hug circle at camp it was fun
Last Time Scolded:: uh...put the dish in the dish washer 15 minutes ago
Last Chair Sat In:: cheepo purple bad rolling chair.
Last Lipstick Used:: red it was in jess's room
Last Underwear Worn:: i dont wear underwear, hah, actualy i'm wearing plain old white now.
Last Bra Worn:: tan
Last Shirt Worn:: pink halter?
Last Webpage Visited:: www.google.com

I AM: jill
I WANT: to rip my eyeballs out they hurt so much. and to be loved. and to love. but mostly to rip my eyeballs out
I HAVE: pink fingernails and a hemp bracelet
I WISH: i could talk to mandy or julie
I HATE: cold noodles.
I MISS: camp
I FEAR: rolly polly bugs and getting hurt
I HEAR: the dehumidfyer
I SEARCH: for jesus. pshhhaaa yeah right. that god bullshit must have been drilled into me enough. but seriously, i dont believe in it.
I WONDER: whether or not i have any will power at all.
I REGRET: nothing because it makes me who i am.
I LOVE: hemp<3
I ACHE: in MY EYES.
I ALWAYS: have toenails.
I AM NOT: particularly drivin but i should be.
I DANCE: in the rain.
I SING: ALWAYS.
I CRY: at the end of movies.
I WRITE: letters
I WIN: at mafia
I LOSE: my shorts
I CONFUSE: those who dont know me
I NEED: to stop eating
I SHOULD: stop eating

[YES OR NO]
You keep a diary: i tried. but then i ended up not writing in it. does this count?
You have a secret journal: no i do not sir.
You set your watch a few minutes ahead: my watch is dead and stuck on 7:52
You bite your fingernails: yes ma'am
You believe in love: yes

[DO YOU]
Take a shower everyday: mostly
Have a crush: mhm sorta
Think you know you've been in love: no
Want to get married: yes
Have any tattoos/where?: no.
Piercings/where?: ears
Get motion sickness: i did the other day which was weird but i was sick too so it didnt count
Think you're a health freak: i dont like people sneezing in my face if thats what you mean.
Get along with your parents: my mom

[WHEN YOU SEE THIS NAME YOU THINK OF?]
Ryan: johnson?
Rob: coincidence?
Drew: stars
Heather: dancing and spider.
Will: thing one and thing two
Paul: druggie
Eve: a
John: ny depp
Laura: mrs yerou
Alex: isonfire
Ricky: alphabet

[FAVORITE]
NUMBER: 8

COLOR: dark red and lots of different greens
DAY: monday
MONTH: july
SONG: lauren and my remix
FOOD: pah thai its so amazing.
SEASON: summer
SPORT: soccer/volleyball/skiing/tennis/swimming/dancing weeee oh and of cource four square
DRINK: water
VEGGIE: corn but did you know celery is the ultimate diet food because you burn more calores eating it than your actually consuming.
FRUIT: pineapple
FAST FOOD: wendies.

[IN THE LAST 24 HOURS, HAVE YOU]
CRIED? no
HELPED SOMEONE? yes
BOUGHT SOMETHING? ice cream
GOTTEN SICK? kinda
GONE TO THE MOVIES? nope
GONE OUT FOR DINNER? vietnamese
SAID "I LOVE YOU"? to jessica i guess
WRITTEN A REAL LETTER? no but i plan to tomorrow.
TALKED TO AN EX? eh,..
MISSED AN EX? no
WRITTEN IN A JOURNAL? yes
TALKED TO SOMEONE YOU CRUSH ON? no
MISSED SOMEONE? yeahh
HUGGED SOMEONE? mhm
FOUGHT WITH YOUR PARENTS? no
FOUGHT WITH A FRIEND? no i love them

[WOULD YOU EVER]
Eat a bug? yes. they are considered delicacies in some countries.
bungee jump? been there done that
Kill someone? no,well maybe
Have sex with someone you don't love? no
Kiss someone of the same sex? uh, sure?
Parachute from a plane? yeah
Walk on hot coals? maybe if i converted to some indian religion where that was a necessary ritual
Go out with someone for their looks? no
For their reputation? no
Be a vegetarian? no way i heart eating animals
Wear plaid with stripes? of course. i have anyways
IM a stranger? no but they have imed me
Sing karaoke? did it
Shoplift? did it will again
Run a red light? sure sure once i start to drive
Dye your hair blue? YES
Be on Survivor? no it would suck
Wear makeup in public? wtf? why wouldnt i?
NOT wear makeup in public? yeah
Make someone cry? i have about a million times i'm a bully what can i say?
Kick a baby? only if i was in Kung Pow
Date someone more than ten years older than you?uh..... maybe if they totally rocked and i was older than 18
stay up all through the night? i do quite often but its dumb

Sun, 11 Jul 2004 14:51:51 GMT

Wow. Camp was amazing.

First off, our cabin was great (mostly). Girls were Megan, Becky and Amy from guilderland, Alicia from schylerville, me and lauren,and some mysterious cheryl who didnt come(more on this later). Then Aunt Kim was our coucelor (every councelors an aunt or uncle there) and Aunt Boo was our swim. They're so cool.

Well, Friday we pretty much got to know eachother, then monday wwe took swim tests and so on, it was really really fun though. And monday night we picked our day trips for tuesday and wednesday. Lauren and I went sailing tuesday, fucking AMAZING. at first charlie brown was on our boat then we got to go out alone, and we sang and had THE BEST TIME EVER. then aunt kelly made us get 10 factas about steve-o/nikko and chris/scott and we did theyre cool, well, steve-o is. chris is kinda smelly. So, we sailed forever and ever and then one of the boats had a hole in it so brittany had to come on our boat and we were like, ":So whats wrong with your boat" then we totally flipped and turtled. I think she was bad luck. Anyways... tuesday night we played goldrush at night and it was so fun. what a great game. then vespers where we sing songs and it was so amazing like everything else.
Went back to the cabin and played mafia for ages, aunt boo was "The Dude". awesome.

So, wednesday we went on paths and paddles, where we canoed and met up with some hikers and sat on the beach for a while, ate lunch, and then waded in the water and dug holes so people would be walking and then fall in and be like.. 2 ft. shorter. then we hiked really fast so we sat on the ground and played mafia and riddles and stuff and drove backt o camp. that night we played lord of the rings which was kinda like gold rush but not as good.. vespers then bed. played mafia AGAIN. and painted nails. then aunt boo read some poems.
thursday lauren and i kayajked, and steve-o was there AGAIN. Stalker. We got to the beach and had discovery time, about god. whats her name the councelor was going to make it last like, an hour, but aunt q was like, "Jesus tells me a storm is coming so we should head back to camp." it was HILAROUS. so we actually did leave and got back really earlyand played 4-square in the sand on the beach witha volleyball. there was the talent show that night and it was cute, uncle jay sang and played on guitar "closing time" and when it said "its closing time, one last call for alcohol so finish your whiskey or beer." he changed alcohol to juice, but left whiskey otr beer and it was funny. Yup, then we went to our cabin areas and sang around the camp fire. lauren, boo, becky and amy and i sang the guys part for one song, and then we went inside and talked for a long time.
Friday, LAST DAY HUUSDHUHUSHUDUhsduh!!!E#@#ONEONE!!
chilled for a while mostly, made thank you cards, tye-dyed and took it out too early, then we had that dress up church thing and we changed the words of the awesome god song to ..
"The Dude, is an awesome dude she reigns the mafia with wisdom power and love our dude is an awesome dude" it was hysterical.
went back to the cabin changed and aunt boo told us she was only 16!! we thought she was 18 and it was weird but cool, got everyones s/n's and sang for a while, it was great, went back to the cabin and read the brontasaurous poem about a THOUSAND TIMES.//
"If I had a brontasaurous,
I would name him horris or morris
but if suddenly he had a lot of little brontisauri
I would change his name to Laurie."
Is that not the most random poem ever????
So, we took a ton of pictures and were all mushy, "I'm gonna miss you and so on"
then saturday we got up late, went to morning watch and breakfast and had the hug circle which was sad because we were leaving, and took some more pictures then went back and cleaned and got picked up after about 10 thousand more hugs but hey most of the girls live close so we can visit!
I'm not even going to go into detail about how you cant escape sluts, EVEN AT GOD CAMP.

Yesterday I went to Jessica's and Kristina and Becca and her cousin cathy were there and it was fun. PS-JESSICA I WANT THAT SWEATSHIRT.
Jess and I tricked all them with our amazing riddles and then we swam and my mom brought over a baby bunny my cat caught and i FINALLY got to see polo and I LOVE HIM EVEN MORE. So, basically it was amazing and I missed everybody here even though I was only gone for a week.

Yay. And now I've got maryland comign up and lauren might come down, mandy probably is, and so is maggie my moms friend. Yay<3

Fri, 02 Jul 2004 16:36:55 GMT

I love thunderstorms and taking pictures and nighttime and camp fires and Fowler and boys with long hair, and eating a lot, popsicles, and kristina and jessica and lauren and melissa and sarah and robin and all friends and my normal cousins mandy and julie, and my kitten with no name, and laughing, and pictures, and music, and brand new and pavement and alexisonfire, and alkaline trio and dashboard confessional and the mall, and putting in shoelaces at the mall and TJ Max and Marshalls and getting nice clothes and my little black dress and chappelles show, and black and white photos and I LOVE THE 80s, and I LOVE THE 70s, and the strikes backs on VH1 and I'm pretty sure I'll love the 90s too, and i love FRANK SINATRA and the rat pack and the beatles and the sound of music the movie and disney movies and romantic comedies and the show Keen Eddie, little kids most of the time, swimming, jumping on my trampoline, dancing and JOHNNY DEPP and pirates and mermaids and the ocean and swimming in lakes on mountains and grilled cheese with tomato soup frostys from wendies, stewarts chili, and going to the video store with no shoes on, price chopper, my price chopper family, moonwalking, dressing up, the 'catskill game farm, my mom a lot and i guess my dad and brother, writing and reading and watching old black and white movies chopsticks, shoplifting and school most of the time and mrs yerou and mr rockmore and mr mckee and mr nagel and my digital camera, the new community alex and i made for digital photography and the keyboards on laptops and baking cookies and talking and IM and myself 90% of the time and water and breathing especially fresh air and my sister lauren in seattle and buddha and the great escape and universal studios and virginia beach with courtney and national competitions and recitals and gluing rhinestones to our noses and saying theyre nose rings and writing things like these and filling out those annoying surveys you have to put behing lj cuts and the computer store at the mall and the fouton store and singing and singing in the rain and singing in the shower and the movie singing in the rain and swimming in the rain basically everything in the rain, trying to take pictures of lighting and the boardwalk and riding my bike and walking and soccer and skiing and volleyball and sumo wrestling and setting up the sprinkler and having deorerant fights in rite aid with cait and michelle, cait and michelle and sometimes doing overrides and html and trees and camping and canoeing and kayaking and ramen noodles and marilyn monroe and madonna and the marilyn monroe diamonds are a girls best friend dress and new shoes and walking barefoot and stop the rock and all my dance friends and acting and putting on makeup and taking baths at 3:30 am and geico commercials and pepto bismal commecrials not skiing and looking at the stars and jessicas poetry and kristinas desktop backround and rainbows and typing up lists like these and science class and stealing staplers and leaving randsom notes words of the day and amelia atwater rhodes and aubrey and jaguar and the wind and kristopher and nikolas and jessica darling from the books and dougbert and megan mccafferty and gilbert and the song about gilbert and playing tennis and complaining and laying in the sun and the beach and sand and zoolander and jokes and plotting revenge on people who deserve it and being happy and epiphanies and words in general like insoucience and exonerate and just nice words and attempting poetry and reading what i write and live journal and colors and seeing,hearing,and the 5 senses and charlie chaplin and the three stooges and sword fighting and romeo and juliet and the marx brothers and laughing until it hurts and debating and finding synonyms and climbing trees and doing handstand and cartwheels and laying on the grass and the sun and when the moon is orange and light and dark and staying up late and getting up early, dawn and dusk, sunflowers and roses and mice with a scroll button and homestarrunner and fluffy carpets and looking up the meanings of names and making up remixes to songs and long car trips and driving to watertown with my mom and josh and being in love and having a lot of fonts on the copmputer and thesauruses and newpapers and horoscopes and mr rouleau and learning random phrases and different languages and being mean in chinese and writing long run on sentences like this and plants because they give off oxygen and stars and clouds and looking at peoples profiles and away messages and reading song lyrics and singing like a guy and jumping off rocks and cleaning my room sometimes and interior design/fashion and seattle and brocolli with cheese and golden grahams and cinnoman toast crunch and sitting on the kitchen floor watching tv and candles and fire and heat and sleeping with a lot of blankets on and breathing when its cold outside and leaves in the fall and being smart and sighing and drawing and painting and oil pasteling and going to art galleries and playing dress up and pogo sticks and playing games behind courtneys house and courtney and the caimanos and chicken parm pizza and looking out windows in cars pretending your in a movie when theres music playing, realizing that i'm not the only one weird enoiugh to do the window thing that chris p does it too, and playing ping pong, air hockey and foosball, and watching friends and hammocks and loud music and Jay-Z and SNOOP DOG and the one mc hammer song because i'm a freak, and WATCHING ARTHUR IN THE MORNING BEFORE SCHOOL and the safety of middle school and most of my eight grade and seventh grade teachers and summertime and my birthday and pink, and ella fitzgerald and britney spears and gene kelly and dean martin and all the rest and old cds and records and record players and doing really great on tests or in school and passing notes and taking in class and making friends with the teachers and dirt off your shoulders and singing obnoxiously and chorus and art and computers and dvds and making up languages and hanging out with my brother when hes being normal and pondering life especially in the spy museum with jessica and washington dc and alabama and the lesbian joke and running starts on cartwheels and cupcakes with those rainbow things inside and making cakes and going to parties to be totally antisocial and picking blackberries and st patricks day and making up lies and being late to class and sliding on socks on wooden floors and driving in convertables and beanies and i'm going to stop now because theres so many more things i could write but i love loveing things.

Thu, 01 Jul 2004 19:28:55 GMT

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE ME:
1. Crossing Streets
2. dying alone
3. making new friends

THREE THINGS I LOVE: (not in any particular order)
1. Food
2. Music
3. Friends

THREE THINGS I HATE:
1. Boys (most of them)
2. fat cells
3. people who think they have to be the best because you know, theres ALWAYS gonna be someone better than you.

THREE THINGS I DON'T UNDERSTAND:
1. Boys
2. Why I cant explain things that I understand inside my head, but arent understandable once I say them
3. Graphing Parabolas.

THREE THINGS ON MY DESK:
1. Candles
2. CDs
3. pictures

THREE THINGS I'M DOING RIGHT NOW:
1. Filling out this survey
2. Being greatful to alex for making me a layout
3. trying to pick the popcorn kernal out of my teeth.

THREE THINGS I WANT TO DO BEFORE I DIE:
1. Love/Get married

2. Travel a LOT
3. Have Kids

THREE THINGS I CAN DO:
1. Ramble
2. Eat too much
3. moonwalk

THREE WAYS TO DESCRIBE MY PERSONALITY:
1. loud sometimes obnoxious
2. somewhat intelligent
3. goofy

THREE WAYS TO DESCRIBE MY LOOKS:
1. aryan? (blonde blue eyes...?)
2. Could stand to loose some weight
3. ugly hands and feet

THREE THINGS I CAN'T DO:
1. Cook
2. run long distances
3. communicate my thoughts well

THREE THINGS I THINK YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO:
1. ME
2. Yourself
3. Whatever kind of music you like.

THREE THINGS I SAY THE MOST:
1. Anyhow
2. I
3. well, whatever, I tend to talk about strange things

THREE OF YOUR ABSOLUTE FAVORITE FOODS:
1. Chicken Parm Pizza
2. Ramen Noodles
3. Ice Cream

THREE THINGS YOU DID IN THE PAST 24 HRS: (not in order)
1. took a bath at 3:30am.
2. blew up marshmellows in the microwave
3. Cleaned microwave

STYLE
clothing: ? whatever.. jeans and a shirt. sweeatshirts
music: i dont know.. lots of different things. I'm not kidding. that last sentence was unneeded
makeup: eyeliner/mascara and chapstick (not makeup but oh well)

DO YOU ...
believe in astrology: Sorto of
believe in magic: Yes.
pray: No
have any secrets: Yes
have any pets: A Cat, Kitten, 2 Gerbils and a rabbit
have a degree: from elementary and middle school. not a degree.
talk to strangers who instant message you: I used to,none have IMed me lately..
wear hats: sometimes
have any piercings: ears
have any tattoos: nope

hate yourself: did hitler hate the jews?
wish on stars: no, i quit since they never came true.
believe in witches: I kind of hope theyre real and I'm one.
believe in Satan: Nope

believe in ghosts: Yes
trust others easily: No
like sarcasm: Well, I certainly use it enough..
take walks in the rain: yes. I swim in the rain more though.
sing in the shower: All the time.

Thu, 01 Jul 2004 16:56:29 GMT

1.full name? Jillian Rose Varner
2.Nicknames? Jill, Jilly, Jillard, Pecan, Jilly Bean, oh so many..
3. Eyes? Blue
4. Height? 5'6
5. Hair? blonde
6. Siblings? Brother Darren, Half-Sis Lauren
7. Do u like to sing in the shower? Yes
8. Do u like to sing? No. I LOVE to sing.
9. Birthday? August 8th
10. Sign? Leo
11. Address? Oak Circle
12. Sex? Female
13. Righty or Lefty? Righty
14. What do you want in a relationship? I'm not sure...
15. Have you ever cheated? On tests, yes, on people, no.
16. Marital status? Engaged to Polo.
17. Do you have a car? No. Well... No.
18. What kind of car do you have? matchbox
FAVORITE :
19. Movie? hmm.. dont really know..
20. Song? theres so many.
21. Sports Team? pssshhh. Sports, you think I follow them?
22. TV Show? Simpsons, Gilmore Girls
23. Actor? JOHNNY DEPP JOHNNY DEPP JOHNNY DEPP AHHHHH
24. Actress? pretty much, they all suck.
25. Food? hmm.. sushi/pizza
26. Number? 8
27. Cartoon movie? Lion King/Finding Nemo
28. Disney Characters? Woody from Toy Story
29. Color? Red
LOVE LIFE :
30. Do you plan on having kids? yes
33. How old do you want to be when you are married? late 20s

34. Would you have kids before married? not likely.
35. Do u have a b/f or g/f? No.

37. Do you have a crush? no. I hate guys.
EITHER-OR
38. Music/TV? Music TV
39. Guys/Girls? guys romantically.. but not anymore. I quit guys. (impossible, but i try)
40. Green/Blue? Green eyes<3
41. Pink/Purple? HOT Pink
42. Summer/Winter? Summer
43. Night/Day? Dont know.. night gives me too much time to think, but sleepings good when I can.
44. Hanging Out/Chilling? Chillin in the freezer dawg. Whats the difference? Hanging out I guess.
45. Dopey/Funny? Funny
46. You know I'm around when you hear? This makes NO sense. Learn to proofread oh great maker of these time wasting survey things.
47. What school do u go to? Colonie High
48. Last b/f or g/f? .
52. Nicest? nicest friend? well, this whole thing is about friends then ok. um, Jessica/Kristina/Melissa
53. Funniest? I dont know.. everyone.
54. Tallest? Victoria D, girls like.. 6ft! :-o
55. Best personality? Everyone <3
56. What 5 people do you trust most? hmm.. Jessica, Kristina, Cait, Lauren, Courtney Caimano
57. What do you think of soul mates? I hope they exhist.. but probably not. why cant I find MINE already?
58. Is it right to flirt if you have a bf/gf? Yes. Because its not like your married and old. As long as you dont fool around with other people.
59. What was the last thing you cried over or got tears from? i dont know......

60. What's something about guys/girls you don't get? why a lot of guys are jerks.
62. What's an object you can't live without? eyes.
63. Love or Lust? Love
64. Silver or gold? it depends
62. Diamond or pearl? depends again.
63. Sunset or sunrise? both
64. Have you ever gone skinny-dipping? yeah
65 Do you sleep with stuffed animals? no they take too much room
66. Do you have any piercing? ears
68. What song are you listening to right now? nothing
69: What's the last 4 digits of your home phone number? 0984
70. Where would you want to go on your honeymoon? go to hawaii, stop for a few days, then fly to new zealand, spend a few days, then australia and spend the majority of the time.
71. Who do you want to spend the rest of your life with? If I new life would be so boring.
72. What's the first thing you notice about the opposite sex? idiots.
73. Favorite sports? Soccer, Skiing
74. What makes you happy? friends, and however stupid this sounds, going shopping and getting a lot of great clothes.
75. What's the next cd/s you're going to get? new taking back sunday.. actually, i'll prolly make kris burn hers for me.
76. Do u wear contacts or glasses? contacts
77. What's the best advice given to you? hm..
78. Have you ever won any special awards? of course

79. What are your future goals? I'm not sure. I'm not a good goal maker and I'm a totally unmotivated slacker.
80. Worst sickness you ever had? pneumonia
81. Do you like Funny or Scary movies? Funny
82. On the phone or in person? Person, phones are scary.
83. Hugs or kisses: hugs
85. If you died tomorrow who would you leave everything you own to? i dont know. my family because i wouldnt have an obituary and they would know would they... but i'd leave my kitten to .. uh.. i dont know.
86. Do u have any enemies? i guess
88. Would you rather be rich or famous: rich. famous would get on my nerves because people would be hoarding around you.
89. What time is it now? 12:55am
90. Are you an alcoholic?: no, see previous entry.

Thu, 01 Jul 2004 03:00:23 GMT

I did realize I'm going to be away at camp for the 4th of July this year. I've known this, and even though its not a big deal, and there will be many many other 4th of July's, I'm going to miss it. I'm just reeking of cliche topics lately, am I not?
I dont know. Its just a great holiday. Usually we, meaning my immediate family and I, spend it with the Fishers, since the rest of our family is awfully screwed up. Its not like Christmas or Thanksgiving, the times I feel terrible and sad about not having a family that can tolerate their differences for even one night. All I'd ask for is one night. Really, its difficult if not impossible for me to recall an event where this happened.
Bringing me to another fun(not: said dripping with sarcasm) subject to put into writing. Today I talked with my mother about Nina, Aunt Nina. She told how Nina used to be very smart, very popular, and a cheerleader. Colleges would write to her practically begging her to attend their school. Then she got involved in drugs and alcohol, moved out at 16 and married a man, meerly another teenager, but one in her "druggie" croud. He beat her and pushed her down stairs regularly. And yet, this still did not impede her dire urge to experiment with other, more illicit and dangerous substances.
Uncle also recieved those letters urging him to grace different colleges' educational environment with his present. Basically validictorian (should ask about this I'm not completely sure.) of his class and star football player.. then enticed by the allure of alcohol he became a drunk, married a woman named Glenda and had two girls, my favorite cousins, who turned out surprisingly normal. He beat Glenda, and whenever Mandy or Julie would have friends over he'd come home drunk and frighten their friends enough to call their parents to go home. Awful, plainly awful. Julie isnt on speaking terms with him anymore, but Mandy is. I cant imagine what a forgiving and loyal person she must be to exonerate such a deed.
With all these, plus the common "Just Say No" classes and lectures, I'm rather sure that I will never allow myself to succumb to the glamor of drugs and/or alcohol.
When did this entry turn into such a family history? Oh well, it sorted out my feelings if nothing else, and that is all thats necessary.

Wed, 30 Jun 2004 14:53:07 GMT

Not about yesterDAY because that sucked.
But last night I went to Kristina's and we went to the mall and had oh so much fun I love her.
So, I went to her house and made a backround for her computer which will FOREVER STAY. Like the ROCK ON THE GROUND.
So, anyways, we go to the mall and immediatly go get some chinese food because we were starved within an inch of our lives. Then wandered, really didnt buy anything but we went into the computer store and played on the computers until some geeks came in and we left fearing we'd catch their geekiness. (I'm so steriotypical. But I dont give a fuck.) Anyways, then we went into the fouton store it was amazingly comfortable.. actually before that we went to hot topic and got shoelaces, that look amazing in kristinas and OKish in mine. We sat on a bench with our shoes off for about an hour lacing them up with the new ones. And we saw a girl in a cast that went up to her mid-thigh, I felt awful. It must suck to be trapped like that during SUMMER. So, we go to TJ MAX and I put on my sexy model shoes and thump around, and it was amazing especially since I was moonwalking.

And then we got orange julius' and wandered through an expensive store where a shirt was about 50 bucks. a CRAPPY shirt we could make.

And I cant wait until Fowler its going to be amazing too. I want to get away from here. Its too.. too many things. Maeve is going and Alyssa might (blech on Alyssa, shes a Stewpit fool w/ a g-string baybee) lmfao lauren.

Tue, 29 Jun 2004 15:05:19 GMT

JOIN DEATHBYDINOSAUR NOW.

Tue, 29 Jun 2004 13:49:48 GMT

Melissa I'm so glad to help with the dilema situation!!

Well.. summer is boring I admit..

going to the mall with kristina tonight to see a movie and shop for clothes i dont need and hopefully sit in the futon store cause its comfy (new idea) and then moonwalk from here to timbucktoo..

sigh..

Tue, 29 Jun 2004 00:52:43 GMT

well.. i learned to moonwalk today and i intend to practice a lot until i kick michael jacksons perverted ass.

Mon, 28 Jun 2004 12:59:22 GMT

I dont know what to write but its OK!